My Life.

# When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way off, I got another 5 minutes"

# When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus

# Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive

# Every guy that reports to your unit starts looking attractive

# You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the KBR (contractor run) dining facility to have the exact same food they are serving in your dining facility because you think it tastes better

# You actually volunteer for convoy security duty because you still haven't seen the country yet

# The contractors have more fire power than the military combat units. (This is true)

# You've spent $200 dollars at Haji mart on DVDs buying Basic Instinct, 9 and ½ weeks, and Body of Evidence just for the sex scenes

# You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds in two weeks

# Driving around in SUVs with weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal to you

# You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark in under 5 seconds

# When the organization you work for has changed its name more than 3 times

# When you can actually talk to people in the United States on a cell phone, yet you can't get people on their cell phone a block away

# When you actually get excited to get a package that contains 3 pair of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret Catalog

# When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over

# You see celebratory fire going over the compound at night and think, "wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire back

# Your idea of sex is 20 minutes of Instant Messaging with your wife on the computer, OK, 10 minutes, who are you kidding?

# You wake up and think Baghdad, I am still in friggin Baghdad

# You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make you feel better about your time you have left in country

# You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah

# You're in the Marines and you start saying Hooah

# You only notice the stench of Haji funk when its not there

# You forget there are other colors than brown that can be found in places other than power point slides

# The temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex jacket

# You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot and dry to short, cold and wet.

# When you call home and your kids ask "Who is this?"

# You call home and your wife says hello Bill (your name is Sam)

# When you go on R&R, you duct tape your child to the roof of your car, hand him a pellet rifle, and assign him a sector of fire for the ride to "The Olive Garden."

# When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth using bottled water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local water.

# When some of the contractors wear their DCUs (Desert pattern camouflage uniform) more properly than some of your soldiers.

# When 12 hours is a short work day

# When, During the BUA, "DIV asked MNSTC-I for the FRAGO that MNC-I was supposed to publish, but couldn't because MNF-I hadn't weighed in, since they were too inundated with MOD and MOI war-gaming the JCCs within the ISF to square us away!" is a valid comment and generates no questions.

# When you have your opinions printed in the STARS and STRIPES more than 3 times

# When you step into any office and there are 6 colonels, 12 lieutenant colonels, 15 majors, and 8 captains supervising the work of 1 sergeant

# When you end every phone conversation with "Out"

# When the weapon buyback program has become so successful that you have issued the same AK-47 to the Iraqi army 3 times

# When you can actually tell the difference between the sound of an exploding car and an exploding mortar

# When on R & R you tell your wife that your weapon status is Red and your looking for the clearing barrel

# You yell at the FNG (Fucking New Guy) for shouting incoming when the rounds don't impact close enough to hit your trailer with dirt

# You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of an Iraqi sports team to keep from being hit by celebratory fire

# You never worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to prayers doesn't wake you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will (most mornings)

# The highlight of your shopping experience at the PX is to see that they got in a new shipment of Gillette razor blades.


# You get offended by people wearing clean, pressed uniforms.

# You decide that it is a better course of action to pull your blankets over your head than put on your body armor during a mortar attack - the woobee will not save you but at least you are comfortable!

# You make a contest out of seeing who can wear their uniform for more days before becoming entirely disgusted with themselves

# A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the crater it leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the latrine